‘Who are you?’
A pang of pain ran through her. She shivered at this very
instant. This has been her most dreaded moment: a moment no woman would ever
want to live through, a moment she wishes happened far far far away from her. She stood there as if in a
trance. A sudden cry brought her back to this world. She looked at the person in front of her and
thought to herself, ‘Well, I knew this was bound to happen.’
The person was none other than her 57 year old mother.
Life had always thrown difficult situations at her but she
had managed to overcome each and every one of them. She had always understood
that she had been one of the lucky ones to have escaped life’s terrible tragedies
and she had been forever indebted to her mother for that. However, this was one
of those times she wished she did not lose her cool. It is not often that your
own mother cannot recognize you. However
prepared she was some things were still beyond her control.
It was not in her control when her father died before her
fifth birthday. It was not in her control when she grew up watching her mother
work hard to make both ends meet. It was not in her control when her mother
forgot to board the correct bus to attend her convocation. It was not in her
control when her mother forgot to come back home one night. It was not in her
control when her mother was diagnosed with dementia.
Similarly, it was not in her control to hold back her tears now.
As the tears trickled down her cheeks, she remembers the
good old days she had as a kid. Her mother never bothered her with any
difficulties. In spite of holding a job and running the family, her mother
always made it a point to spend time with her. Starting with waking her in the
morning, putting up with her tantrums of not waking up in time, helping her get
ready for school, spoon-feeding her breakfast, packing her lunch, kissing her
good-bye, oh… the list is so endless! Those late night movies her mother
watched with her just because she said the reviews were good, those weekend
lunches and dinners they had in front of the TV, the time when her mother
learnt to make pizza because she used to love it, those dreams they saw
together of her growing up into a well-educated and independent girl…
Memories, these are all she has, the ones she is living with
every day.
Memories, these are all that her mother doesn't have, the
ones that leave her with each passing day.
Suddenly, a 4 year old runs into the room and holds her
mother’s fingers. But her mother retracts her hand as if in fear. The kid runs
and holds her sari pallu and says, ‘Amma,
why is daadi not holding my hands?’ Silence. He looks up. All that he could
see were her tears and a different sort of fear. He could not understand all
this at once. He backs away two steps but his mother was still looking at his daadi.
He turns back and runs out of the room crying. She just looks at him running
away.
Memories, these are all he needs, the ones that he will
store in a corner of his mind, to travel back and to remember this day.
